Nothing is Real, but Chaos

September 29, 2007

“Nothing is real and we cannot say anything about what things are doing when we are not looking at them.”  This is a working rule of quantum physics.  In effect, “Something has to be observed to be real.”  But we’re faulty viewers who can only see ‘big things’ within a very limited spectrum of light & we have a tendency to misinterpret what we observe.

“In all natural processes the entropy of the world increases.”  This is the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics.  Entropy is the measure of disorder in a process (system) or energy lost due to a lack of equilibrium.  In effect, all natural processes will degenerate into disorder and energy loss.  I have a tendency to interpret things philosophically, but isn’t this a perfect description of the world which we’ve created?

We seem to be organized.  We have telecommunications, public transit, international flights, global positioning systems, the Internet, etc.  We keep a mass of complex schedules meshed together and running relatively smoothly.  But if we were to put this ‘high-energy’ system slightly out of balance (remove public transit or radar, for instance) – the system would quickly degenerate into chaos and the result would be energy loss (slowing down).

If we were to put the system seriously out of whack (i.e. remove electricity – shutting down all organizing systems) and the system would collapse in an astronomical instant, which is marginally longer than an earthly instant!

Don’t worry about it, though.  According to the 2nd Law – the breakdown I write of is inevitable.  It WILL happen.

When?

I know not, but the more we rely on technology we do not fully understand, the more susceptible we are to chaos.

Think about your life…what do you do that does not require some form of electricity (energy)?  Reading in the sunlight?  Where did the paper come from?  What about the ink and the binding?  Going for a walk?  You need energy (calories) to do that.  Are you growing your own food?  Probably not.  The current oil to calorie ratio is something like 10:1.  It takes 10 units of fuel to produce 1 unit of caloric (food) energy.  So that walk you thought was free, is not.

We cannot do anything without some source of fuel energy.  The entire system is built upon it.

That little Y2K scare was a warm up.


Who knows?

September 28, 2007

I don’t have a noble profession.  I work in the alcohol industry.  I don’t like drinking.  I don’t like drunk people.  I especially don’t (really) like myself when I am drunk.  It’s a poison & through virtue of association, I become evil when I imbibe.

I would like to entertain people in movie theatres and bookstores (someday!), but I am not sure this is a noble profession either.  I am not sure of anything anymore.  Writing is noble if it’s intent is to provoke thought, to teach.  I like to create uniquely dystopian realities and fiddle about with human actions within.  You would never want to be a hero in one of our stories, maybe in the new one, but this one is different.

The new story is fun.  I want to entertain with this one.  I want action from the beginning to the end.  There’s no time for romance.  I took something that bothers me about movies and switched it around.  I won’t ever write about the specifics of any of my ideas here.

I was hung up for five weeks at a certain point.  I didn’t think about the problem for the whole time, I needed a little holiday.  I finally figured it out the other night.  Essentially, I was stuck in the middle of some farmer’s field in the middle of Oklahoma.  I had a way out, but it wasn’t complete.  I mean, I could get away from the field, but I couldn’t get away from this means of conveyance once away from the field.

***

I think it will work.  I’ve been working on it for the past few nights.

I’m running long.  If I want to stick with a 120-page limit, then I’ve got 24 pages left.  I’m close to the conclusion, but not that close!  Damn.  I’ve read and re-read the first eighty pages so many times…I don’t know what I could cut out.  It’s lean & it moves.  I have a couple of scenes which aren’t essential to the plot, but these are only three lines of action each (at most!).

I still don’t know if I like it or not.  I am always up & down.  Right now…down.  I think it’s shit.  I would like to finish in the next week or so, then start re-working.  H & I are due to start working together in about four-five weeks.  That’s my deadline.

I need to be doing this.  I need H to be happy with it.  We need to have some fresh output for this year.  I want to be clear of #7 by the end of next year.  I am a firm believer in moving forward.  We learn something new every time we start a new project.  I think these lessons would be missed if we kept reworking the same material over and over again.  We always try writing something a little different than what we’ve done before.  We always try to do something that’s never really been done…not sure we’re going to be successful if we follow that formula!!

We can always return to some old (crappy) project and edit.  The more first draft material we have down, the better.  For instance, we already have three…all three need to be reworked – no doubt.  Knowing this, it is better for us to move forward and try something new, learn something more, move forward a few more steps.

We haven’t edited #1 since it was written.  We’ve edited #3 three times.  #3 still needs work.  I think we might have made changes too soon, or we didn’t make the right changes.  Time and experience are the only things that can help us with this.  When we finally edit #1 – the work we do will be far better than the sum of all three edits on #3.  We will have spent more time gaining more experience and will be better writers then than now.

The first draft is the toughest.  Just get something on paper.  It’s much easier to change something than to craft from nothing, even if you’re completely yanking the scene (it’s one less option – plus you have a better sense of what will work by seeing something that doesn’t!).

 So there I am…page 96…and still a long way to go.  Home sweet home.

I have a confession.  This is the first feature length script I have written alone.  Do I prefer it to working with a partner?  I don’t think so.  I really enjoy the creative energy and dynamic of working with H.  I think we compel each other to be better, to excel.  I will probably always have a side project on the go (from here on in), but the main focus is the partnership.  We started together and we will finish together.  This is the nature of true partnerships.  This is why I am confident we will succeed together.  It will take time, but mark my words, we will succeed.

We are exceptional at what we do…we just need to work on format!!  That’s the easy part (I think!).


The Validity of a Response.

September 21, 2007

As you read through this web log – do I really sound hateful and narrow-minded?  Or, is that how certain readers read my crap?  We see everything through our predispositions, but I’m also writing through my predispositions.  So, what’s valid?  My thoughts or yours?

I may be contentious.  I may be inconsistent.  I may write things that upset your sensibilities.  I may be the dumbest person to ever walk the planet.  But I am open and available to your comments, whether I like them or not. 

I consider everything you say or write.  I weigh it against my experience, knowledge and understanding.  I try to share your paradigm.  That doesn’t mean we will agree in the end.  It means nothing other than I do not outrightly disregard you.

My thoughts are no more or less important than yours.  My ideas are no more or less enlightened than yours.  The greatest of all achievements is an open and honest dialogue between two contrary points, between you and I.

I am far from perfect.  I am far from being free from the sticky grip of ignorance.


Business & Religion

September 20, 2007

Moral question – what happens when someone’s religion interferes with your business?

For instance, I have a supplier who failed to meet their commitment to deliver to me by a certain time – first it was yesterday afternoon, then by 10am this morning, then by 1pm, then 2:30pm.  I gave them the benefit of the doubt and arrived at 3pm.

The job was still not finished and no one was actually working, most of the staff were busy praying.

I respect people’s choice to believe in something – I don’t care if it’s religion – but if the choice interferes with thier ability to fulfill business commitments, then how understanding should I be?  Not at all, some, a little bit, completely?

 They made to commitment to me.  They blew it because you were busy praying for ‘whatever’, presumably a better ‘metaphysical life’ or ‘afterlife’. 

Ironically, thier non-action in their ‘actual life’ may have a practical cost that will directly influence their material well-being.  I may be less inclined to use this supplier in the future, not because of any religious affiliation, but because their ‘word’ is unreliable.

 Funny someone who is pious enough to pray daily would inspire so little ‘faith’ in their ‘word’ (commitment).

Business and religion do NOT jive, unless you’re in the very profitable business of religion.

And this is what it boils down to – people don’t think they need to BE pious if they are ACTING pious.  Respect thy neighbor, only if thy neighbor is me!

You have to do more than put on a minx coat to be a minx…you know what I mean?!

How would you feel if someone failed to fulfill a commitment because they were busy experimenting with mathematics (or some other hard science unrelated to the business at hand)?

You’d be upset because it’s a waste of your time. 

And science MIGHT actually have something positive in store for humanity, the Universe or something.  I’m not convinced ‘religion’ can make the same positive claim!


What Happened to Hitler’s Nose?

September 18, 2007

Hitler the hypocrite idealized an Aryan ideal (blonde hair, blue eyes – blah, blah, blah) and encouraged women to have children, plenty of them.  As a matter of fact, couples with lots of children were rewarded and those who could not or did not conceive were fined (punished).  But Hitler himself would not father any children for fear that he did not live up to the Aryan ideal he so zealously believed.

Hitler led a eugenics program which sterilized hundreds of thousands of mentally or terminally ill Germans.  Sterilization quickly became medically endorsed murder.  The claim was to reduce the burden on a healthy German State.  The other part of the equation was the purification of Aryan blood – they hoped to rid themselves of disease through a 600 year campaign of eradication.

hitler39.jpg

This is a picture of Hitler around 1939 (not 100% sure) – I don’t know who he’s sitting with.  The picture below is Hitler in 1945.  Looking good, eh?!

adolf-hitler1945.gif 

Hitler is 56 years old in this photo.  His shoulders are hunched over.  His chest looks like it collapsed.  He had an uncontrollable twitch in his right arm.  He could barely use his right hand.  His face is sallow.  It looks like he aged about fifty years in only five.  But what happened to his nose?

Here’s the kicker.  A recent idea is that Hitler was suffering from Parkinson’s Disease.  There has been long speculation about syphilis.  Either way, Hitler would not have survived his own eugenics program.

Adolf Hitler would become one of the last victims of said eugenics program with a self administered dose of poison.

And the world was rid of his disease.


The Downside of Balconies

September 16, 2007

I live in an apartment building.  It’s nice, quiet & there aren’t too many bad apples in the building.  Well, except for the people who live above us.  They sweep their balcony over the edge and onto ours!  At some point in the summer, either a dog or a human urinated over the edge, stinking up and staining part of our balcony.  But the event that broke my silence was about a week ago.

I woke up and went outside for my coffee and cigarette.  After a few minutes, I realize that I am almost resting my elbow in some orange gunk.  It was kind of like carrot soup.

Someone had vomitted over the edge.  I was on the verge of doing so myself!  I fancy myself logical and deductive.  I examined the dispersal of the ‘vomit splatter’.  Our balcony had one concentrated spot.  The balcony below had two, but close together.  The balcony beneath that one had two – these ones spread out even further.  And so on.  I think four balconies were affected.  None of them had the one concentrated spot.  It must’ve come from the balcony directly above.

Further to this – they had a mop resting over their railing for the better part of a week afterwards.  Someone cleaned up a mess up there!

Since then, they have not apologized.  They have not offered to clean up the mess.  Nothing.  I find that very rude.

I offer the following picture as proof that this is a true story.  Beware…this is a picture of vomit.

vomit-apartment-shift-003.jpg


Mangling Mengele

September 13, 2007

One of my primary reading subjects is history.  I find the history of conflict very compelling.  My main area of interest is the Second World War, with a specific focus on the Third Reich. 

I’ve read a lot about the National Socialists (NSDAP), the Wehrmacht, Abwehr, Luftwaffe, Schutzstaffel (SS).  I’ve read about the Nazi war strategy and it’s failures.  I’ve read about the Concentration Camps, the Einsatzgruppen (travelling murder squads). 

I’ve read about such notables as Himmler, Hitler, Goebbels, Goring and so on. I knew these men were an abomination.  I knew the Third Reich is a horrible stain in the history of humanity. I did not fully comprehend how completely disgusting these people were.  I still don’t fully appreciate it. 

However, my recent reading concerning doctors, medicine and science in the Third Reich has made me realize how much more I need to learn, how much more disgust I need to cultivate. 

The Nazis, without a doubt, are the worst collection of people to have ever united on this planet. Last night, I became a little more intimate with the story of Josef Mengele.  josef-mengele-1935.jpgHe was supposed to have been the camp physician at Auschwitz-Birkenau, but he did nothing to help anyone. He considered himself both a doctor & a geneticist…he was neither.  

His every action was contrary to the Hippocratic Oath.  His every experiment was a slap in the face of scientific method (empiricism). He experimented on twins.   If you want to use twins for genetic experimentation, they need to be identical twins.  Fraternal twins are no more twins than you and one of your older/younger siblings, insofar as you do not share ‘identical’ DNA.  This was known in the late 30s (before Mengele’s experiments).  Mengele did not always use identical twins.  In fact, he didn’t even always use fraternal twins.  There was at least one occurrence of brothers (9 month age difference) being experimented on. 

The specifics of some of his experiments are so disgusting that I do not want to relate them here.  In general, he would treat one of the twins poorly & leave the other one alone.  Then, he’d have them both killed and dissected in order to discover if there were any differences in their bodies, organs, etc. 

In one extreme example, he wanted to see if he could manufacture Siamese twins and had two children stitched together.  They died during the procedure. vernichtung-18.jpg Did Mengele contribute anything to the advancement of science? Unequivocally NO.  Most of his notes and records were destroyed for fear that they were a death sentence. 

Mengele fled Germany and the Allies at the conclusion of the war.  He was able to live out his natural life without any punishment for his crimes against humanity.   In the end, he was unrepentant.  He claimed to have “never personally harmed anyone in his life.” 

Mengele had concentration camp prisoners with medical training perform all his ‘surgeries’, which they would not have done without the threat of death from Mengele.  Personal responsibility (liability) is clear-cut everywhere but in his sick mind. 

Where is the justice in this world?


Qu’est ce que c’est?

September 13, 2007

People rarely comment on any of the entries to my web log.  Too good for you?  Too bad, dumb, stupid?  What?  Am I uneasy to understand?  Are the entries too long?  Do I lose your interest?

 Shit.


The Kind Face of Prejudice (What if your parents are racists?)

September 13, 2007

Imagine one of your parents sends you an email, a ‘joke’ email regarding the nomenclature of hurricanes not being representative of all US cultures (a legitimate point which was brought before the US Congress in 2003).  The tone of the ‘joke’ is derogatory & racist.  Your parent didn’t write it.  They just forwarded it from some other email or website (I don’t know).  ‘Joke’ or no ‘joke’, the content of the email is endorsed by the sender when sent.

 

If you found the ‘joke’ funny, then you don’t really have a problem with your parents but with racial sensitivity & should probably stop reading here.

 

If you were upset about the email, then you probably found yourself with a little bit of a quandary.  What do you do?  (If you hope I have advice, you better stop reading here!)

 

I believe people demean themselves while degrading others.  I don’t think ignorance can make anyone look anything other than stupid.  Do you talk to them about your feelings?  Talking to people about racism is similar to discussing their driving, insofar as no one believes they are a bad driver.  They would almost certainly be upset that you could think such a thing about them.  Do you ignore it and keep the peace?  What kind of peace would you be keeping?  Probably not your own.

In my mind, any kind of discord is total discord.  There’s no such thing as a small problem.  Everything is a seed waiting to bloom and prosper.

There’s a saying that goes something like, “You can’t reason irrational ideas out of people.”  So, is all of this an exercise in futility?  Is there a solution to racism other than fighting the problem within yourself?

I have my share of socialized preconceptions about various races.  I’ve learned most of it through family, some through friends.  I’ve spent the last thirteen years working on deprogramming myself.  It’s not easy when you’re pretty much alone in the effort.  I try to believe in the inherent goodness of people.  I try to imagine myself as a solitary foreigner in distant parts of the world – downtown Calcutta, or driving alone in Hong Kong.  Nothing would make sense to me.  I can’t think of many situations in which I would feel lonelier.  I don’t think many others would feel any different, but I can only speak for myself.

I love culture.  I love different perspectives, ideas and realities.  I can learn a lot about myself as I learn about you.  And like the song says, ‘We are the world.’  For every person we don’t understand, there’s another who doesn’t understand us.  There’s a lot to learn about.  Yeah, there’s crap in the world – it’s a biological function, a byproduct of the body at large, but the body itself can still be beautiful.

I don’t think I should one’s race at fault for a flaw in their character.  Simple fact – there are idiots everywhere.  If we were all held accountable for the actions of all our idiotic predecessors, then we would live in a world very similar to the one we do!!

But this is the paradox – if you should treat everyone with kindness and respect, then you should address issues of disrespect or lack of kindness with an intent to reach a resolution.  You need to upset the peace in order to acheive peace.  You have to do so in such a way as to not be disrespectful yourself, as much as you might disrespect racism (or some other insensitivity).  The idea is to get other people thinking.  Awareness is half the battle.

I went to the dentist yesterday.  He asked if I get a lot of headaches.  I do.  He told me I grind my teeth and it’s probably causing some of these headaches.  I did not know I was grinding.  I did not know it would contribute to my headaches.  Now, I am aware.  I am watching for it.  I want to stop it.  Most importantly, the dentist gave me evidence of my actions – the tops of my teeth are flattening.

Flip this example into our current dilemma.  Take the racist email, deconstruct it and show how it is offensive.  Ask your parent what they found amusing about it.  It is possible a new consciousness will arise within them.

Words can heal or destroy the world.  Kindness can save everyone from themselves.


Wasted (daze)

September 13, 2007

Don’t want to waste away, just want to waste today.  I stood up and faced so many yesterdays, wish I could’ve replaced my foolish ways.  All work and all play confuses the hell out of anyone who comes and plays.  So what do you say?  Let’s waste our daze.


New For Me (phobia)

September 12, 2007

I discovered a new irrational fear today – the dental hygenist.  Sorry, not the dental hygenist, but the equipment they use.  I can actually be pretty specific.  It’s the water pick!  It has a high pitched squeal and shoots a wire of water!  If the hygenist hits a sensitive spot…look out!  I was afraid I was going to hit her as a result of a knee-jerk reaction from pain.

I was friggin’ terrified.  There I was, 30 some odd years old, sitting in the chair, white knuckled from gripping the arm rests too tight, my legs completely taut.  I was like a little boy.  I can still hear that high-pitched sound echoing in my ears.  I had a headache.  My back muscles started to spasm.  I was sweating, but freezing cold.  I wanted to cry!

The whole time, the hygenist was saying things like, “This wouldn’t hurt so much if you flossed every day.”  Or, “If you don’t floss, you’ll have bone loss.  If that happens, your teeth will fall out.”  She said other things, but I was concentrating so hard on not freaking out that I wasn’t really listening.

She is a very nice lady, is very gentle and professional, but she scares the shit out of me!

Thank goodness the fear of having no teeth at all is stronger!


Kill, Beat & Steal.

September 10, 2007

It occurred to me last night that any philosophy based on speculation is, at it’s most basic foundation,  a religion, insofar as it requires faith from the subscriber.

How is Kierkegaard’s existentialism different from Buddha’s Four Noble Truths?  Or Nietzsche’s Superman from Jesus Christ, Mohammed, or David?  All of these are ideas, the product of a general need to make sense of things.

Our realities are primarily based on speculation and faith.  We don’t know very much and it frightens us or we’re blissfully ignorant.  I don’t which is worse.  I’m often of the frame of mind where I seek & destroy my ignorance.  But this is the funny thing about ignorance – you don’t know what you don’t know.  You don’t know if what you know is right.  You can’t believe anyone.  Everything is subjective and most people live by ‘survival of the fittest’, so you had better look out for yourself.

Neo-conservatism, liberalism, fascism, communism – there’s a long list of political philosophies, all of them are based on social control (or lack thereof, laisse-faire!).  There are so many ideas to believe in.  Yet, experience has shown that none of them actually work.  Why?  We are inherently uncontrollable.  Fear is the only thing that can pacify us.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”  Kennedy knew what he was talking about.  It was a direct reference to government use of fear (psychological operations) to exert control over populations.  Manufactured fear.  Fear is the one and only social control which ever really had any historic success, but it doesn’t usually last long and the end is violent for the scare mongerers.  When people are frightened for long periods of time, they have a tendency to stockpile anger and there comes a point when a critical mass of people boil over.

So fear doesn’t really work either, but it’s the best of a motley lot!

There are certain things we all agree upon, regardless of where we’re from.  It is unpleasant when someone in your family is killed.  It is unpleasant when you or someone in your family is maltreated.  It is unpleasant when you or someone in your family are robbed.  Everything else is open to regional (individual) interpretation.

How do you correct the historical injustices which resulted from killing, beating and stealing?  I don’t know.

But there’s another thing to consider.  The nucleus does not survive without the sound functioning of the cell.  The cell does not survive without the sound functioning of the host organism.  The host organism does not survive without the sound functioning of it’s environment.

There is a balance in the Universe.  We have to find it and maintain it.


UN Security Council

September 7, 2007

The United Nations was established after the second world war as an organization of nations acting in unity to prevent future world wars and to attempt to establish a system of international law.  That’s not really a formal definition, but it sums it up all right!  The United Nations does not have any power other than that lent by it’s member nations.  The United Nations has no binding authority, it can only make suggestions to it’s member nations. 

However, the UN Security Council is a different story altogether.  Under the UN Charter, the Security Council has the authority to pass resolutions which member nations are obligated to obey.  The consequences of non-compliance to UN Security Council (UNSC) resolutions vary from economic sanctions to military intervention (invasion!).

There are fifteen seats on the UNSC – five permanent (China, Russia, France, UK & USA) & ten temporary seats (two year cycle).  It’s pretty simple to understand the logic of how the five permanent seats were assigned.  It was a cold war power play between the US and the Soviets.

The UN was established at the very onset of the Cold War.  The US, UK & France did not trust the Soviets.  The Soviets reciprocated with an equal dose of distrust.  China was in the midst of a civil war between the Nationalist Party (Chiang Kai-Shek) and the Communists (Mao Tse-Tung).  The Communists won the civil war in 1949, a few years after the Republic of China had been chosen as a permanent member of the UNSC, and so the seat was part of the booty.  I am sure Stalin was more than elated!

The point is – the five permanent seats were assigned in 1945/1946 based on conventional politics, which were flawed to begin with.  First of all, Britain and France were both bankrupt at the conclusion of the Second World War and should not be considered ‘International Powers’ in anything other than prestige.  Almost all of mainland Europe was in ruins.  There were millions of displaced peoples.  Two countries emerged as supreme military powers, each with their preferred system of economics and government.

I don’t think the UNSC with the power of the permanent five is truly representative of current international political conditions.  I don’t think there should be ANY permanent seats on the UNSC.  There should be 6 year terms for each seat, with 5 seats cycling every 3 years.


Visionless Sight

September 7, 2007

‘Think outside of the box’.  I friggin’ hate that phrase, it’s very much ‘inside the box’.  In this age of technology, the individual has to be well-rounded, so why aren’t we thinking outside the ‘sphere’?  The ‘box’ is so unimaginative in terms of words, even the ‘cube’ is better.

Someone who can’t think outside the ‘sphere’ demanded that someone else think outside the ‘box’.  It’s a simple case of the ‘pot calling the bong sticky’.

Vision is a mental condition where sight is one of the five senses.  The blind CAN lead the blind.  Those who can see don’t always know where they are.


A Rambling Bit of Catharsis from the Diary of an Uncertified MadMan

September 1, 2007

Two black cats, one the Goddess of Wisdom & the other an abandoned Princess; Sofia & Yasodhara (Sodhara, for short).  What do I know about wisdom or loss?  What do I know about suffering?  I don’t know anything other than that everyone suffers in their own right and everyone carries a self-contained bit of wisdom, something passed from parent to child eternal.  You can learn alot about people through their suffering.  You can learn everything about people through how they suffer.  The root of suffering is desire.  The end of desire is the end of suffering.  Yasodhara suffered for a man who brought this wisdom into the world.

Why do we make each other suffer?  I don’t understand.  My head hurts tonight.  An act of viciousness from thirteen years ago.  Seismic pressure in my skull, very sensitive to the touch.  It fucking kills.  Some bastard tried to kill me.  Couldn’t, not me.  On nights like tonight, I kind of wish he did.  What act of desire brought me this suffering?  What lessons can I learn from this pain?  I don’t know.  The only thing that really becomes evident is the distance between myself and everyone else.

We are alone with our deepest fears.  We can’t express something so intangible as that which terrorizes our spirits and souls.  There are no words for it, not in English anyway.  What am I running from?  The thing I need to get away from is right here and will always be right here.  There is no peace inside, not anymore.  It was disrupted one night thirteen years ago.  I am angry.  I am frustrated.  I am tired. 

I am growing misanthopic, but am full of love.  I can relate to children and animals and they to me.  I appreciate their purity, their raw innocence.  We teach them to possess.  We teach them to desire.  We teach them to suffer.  We teach them to make others suffer.  We teach them to make people like me.  Nothing to lose, nothing to gain.  All I want is for the headaches to go away.  They remind me…

What is the meaning of memory?  An odd thing, memory.  I don’t remember anything of that night after the first blow was struck.  I remember only what other people remembered and told me afterwards.  Eye-witnesses rarely agree when recalling events, especially stressful events.  I am several steps removed from my own experience.  I remember nothing of my own, other than a few brief and sporadic flashes, which don’t really have any substance. 

Our memories deceive us.  The world before your eyes is like a memory.  It is deceiving.  There is always more than you can see.  Sight is interpretative.  You are your world.  Your reality is you.  Almost nothing of what you see actually exists in any place other than your mind.  I live in a world where everyone is completely self-consumed.  What does that tell you about me?  I am introspective, bordering on self-consumption.  But I am looking for answers, enlightenment and am tearing myself to shreds for the sake of humanity!

For instance, the thing which people hate the most about other people is the thing they might hate most about themselves.  They wouldn’t be aware of the behaviour otherwise.

My problem is I don’t want to appear stupid, be stupid, or have anything related to stupid, but I’m stupid.  I work really hard at knowing things.  For what purpose?  I don’t know.  To not be stupid, I guess!  This is cathartic.  Everything is a piece to the puzzle of humanity.  Everything is worthwhile.  We are remarkable among animals.  The Universe would exist without us, but would it be understood?  There’s an age old philosophical question.

I’m alive for a reason.  What is it?  Pretty presumptuous for me to believe there’s a reason for me to be, but I do.  What can I do for the world, for humanity?  What can I do to make a difference?  I don’t know.  I am a little bit of an abnormality.  I believe in a God, but not religion.  I believe in order and justice, but not government.  I believe in people, but not the notion of nation, nationality or patriotism.

The root of evil is misunderstanding.  Why would God strike down the Tower of Babel?  A jealous, envious God?  Why would God scatter tongues and manufacture misunderstanding?  Strange myth, that one.  Anyways…

I don’t believe in the things we’ve manufactured to separate us from each other.  This is what I’ve learned from my mental separation.  But I can’t break those bonds.  I am still separate.  You are still apart from me.  We are not yet a Human Tribe.  I don’t believe it will ever happen.  We are in the peak of an avalanche.  There ain’t no stoppin’ now!  So I’m a little reclusive.  And most of the rest of you are blessedly oblivious.

Does any of it really matter?  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m blessedly oblivious as well.