From Hero to Zero (An Instant’s Blink)

April 30, 2008

All right.  This post is very upsetting.  It also represents one of the first times I am launching a direct personal attack on someone with whom I am personally acquainted.

A little bird told me Robin’s are wimps.  They inspire confidence with their proud, red-chests, then disappoint you when they choose not to live up to it.  We’ve been Rooked by the Robin.

My wife is pregnant.  She’s due in 6 weeks.  There is a baby shower this weekend.  Her father has chosen not to attend.  Why?

Simple.  There was an ugly divorce over ten years ago.  The father can’t get over it.  He is full of piss and vinegar.  He kept a big, thick journal full of all the nastiness which took place during the divorce.  Rather than letting it all go and moving on with his life, he prefers to pull out the journal and stoke his fire.  He loves telling everyone (strangers too!) all about how much of a nasty person his ex-wife is.

“She’s not even human.”  That’s the popular line.

Keep in mind – the father has remarried & has had another child.  So he’s moved on with most aspects of his life, except for his hatred toward his ex-wife.

His new wife has mental problems (I think!).  I fear she suffers from undiagnosed schizophrenia.  Suffice it to say that she does everything she can to push everyone away from her and her NEW family.  She refers to her sons (from another marriage) as monsters.  She has kicked all children (other than her new daughter) out of her house.  She yelled at me in front of 30 people at one of their (weird) family functions.

This is strange.  They weren’t speaking to my wife before we met.  However, once they became aware that she was involved in a serious, mature relationship, they invited her back into their home.  I was the HERO who brought them all back together.  They would be proud to have me as a son-in-law.  I was the best, in their eyes.

That all suddenly changed one night last October, shortly after we learned about the pregnancy.  I expressed some sensitivity towards my wife’s Mother’s (the Ex) feelings.  Well, they would have none of it.  If I didn’t know that Mom wasn’t a human being, then our relationship was based on lies and would never last.  They couldn’t believe I would care about Mom in any regard.  Blah, blah, blah.

Anyways, the night didn’t go well after that.  I won’t be pushed around by anyone.  So I stood my ground, defended the sanctity of our relationship & in doing so, mortally offended that crazy bitch’s lack of sensibility.

Since then, the invitations to dinner have stopped – we were there briefly for Christmas, the Superbowl, then Easter (three weeks after the actual Easter).  I was yelled at during the Easter party!!  That’s the most attention either of us have received from the step-mother since October.

At this Easter party – there were a whole bunch of people we’d never met before.  Neither Dad nor step-mom introduced us to anyone.  Neither of them asked or commented on the progress of the pregnancy.  It was also my birthday, which was completely ignored until I was three feet from leaving, at which time the Father gave me a bottle of Crown and wished me a Happy B-day!

Anyways – here’s the point:

The Father has decided not to attend his daughter’s baby shower because the ex-wife, new boyfriend & former mother-in-law will be there.  The step-mother can’t attend because she is working in a government office on a Sunday afternoon.  I don’t even think I should have to comment on how unrealistic this seems, but we don’t care, we don’t really want her there anyways.

His excuse for not being able to attend is the trouble he’s apparently experiencing trying to find a babysitter.

Well, wait a second.  He received the invitation a month ago (or more!).  If he ever entertained a thought of attending, he would’ve made an effort to find a babysitter at that time.  He didn’t, which indicates he never planned on going.  He’s just playing some stupid game to make himself feel/look better.  It’s so see-through.

The saddest part is – the father is a really nice guy.  I know he loves his daughter.  I know he wants to know his granddaughter.  But his new wife is mentally ill.  She won’t let him.  Well, hang on, “won’t let him” is not the best way to describe what the father lives with.  He can do whatever he wants, provided he is capable of enduring the incessant nattering from his new wife.

She will lay into him, rag on him, nag, nag, nag, until he finally gives in.  She won’t relent until her point of view is accepted as reality.  I’ve seen it in action.  He’s inadvertantly told me about it.  I know it to be the truth.  So, after nearly ten years of marriage, he’s finally figured out that the best thing for him to do is avoid her ‘wrath’.

For this reason – he is a wimp.  I feel sorry for him.  He is losing the most important things in his life trying to keep her happy.  He is tossing his own happiness into the black-hole of her misery.

The long-term ramifications of his actions are clear to me.  He won’t have a relationship with his grand-daughter, which is precisely what step-mom wants, and this will hurt him.  Step-mom will not hold, touch, see or meet our daughter until she receives professional psychiatric attention.  She is not a grandmother & will never be in a position where she could act like one (if she even could).

So…sorry, but we don’t want to invite negativity into our daughter’s life.  Shit, she will experience enough of it just by growing up.  I don’t ever want to have to explain this to my little girl.  I don’t want her to know that her grandfather’s a puss & that his wife is a hateful, spiteful, unreasonable wench.

I am so friggin’ mad that he could do this to his daughter.  I am so friggin’ upset that she was hurt by him in this way.  I know, come Sunday, his absence will hurt my wife.  She will conceal it & try to make the best of the situation (as she ALWAYS does), but her day has been ruined.

There’s no gift he could give (or send) that could make up for what he’s taken away.  I don’t think he understands that.  I don’t think he understands that when he met me, he met someone who is stronger, feistier and more righteous than he could ever be.  I won’t let him forget this.


Friday Mourning Wisdom

April 18, 2008

Some time I like wasting time.  Awake, tied to the stake.  Asleep, too much to fake.  A middling state of grace, consciously unconscious or unconsciously conscious.  You ponder, wonder or wander.  Think of nothing and something will come to mind.  Think of something and nothing will come to mind.  A destination may be clear, but a road is always clouded, crowded and lauded for being the best way.  There has to be another way, another play, another stray.

From where I sit, the horizon is a straight line, yet I know what I see to be false.  The Earth is a sphere, curved in every which way.  The horizon bends away in front and off to both sides of me.  Three curves, all seemingly straight to me.  Three dimensions on a two dimensional aspect of my reception.  There’s a conflict.  I know it.  Despite all my efforts, I will not be able to see the roundness of the planet, the horizon. 

I don’t believe everything I see.  I don’t believe everything I think.  I don’t believe everything I read.  I don’t believe anything on television.  A million angles to every thing.  A millions rights.  A million wrongs.  The answer is a wash, zero, nothing, meaningless.  For every one who will give, there is one who will take.

Knowing this does not motivate bliss.