I’ve been in a mental slump as of late. My mind, too tired to wander. My time, too precious to squander…on anything other than the basic essentials of daily living.
Work, care and clean. Go to work. Care for my family. Clean the house. That’s about all I do.
In terms of money – income=output. Some months you could replace ‘equals’ with ‘less than’, but never with ‘greater than’. I am as broke as I have ever been.
My hands are riddled with eczema (stress). I sweat profusely when (if) I sleep at night (stress). My back muscles have been in a state of civil war for a few months now (and more stress).
Up at 6am and go, go, go until at least 9pm. In bed somewhere between 10-11pm.
When do I write?
And this question lays at the base of all my complaints. I need to write. It’s ultimately becomes a biological imperative. If I don’t satisfy the need, then I develop frequent headaches. become moody and self-destructive. I don’t want to dwell on this aspect of myself.
I need to move forward. Bring change (growth?) to my life. Rid myself of my daily dragons. This constant combat is killing me through attrition. I have to make a break and finally reclaim myself. I have to. Don’t want to. Need to.
I simply wish I could reduce my wants to the level of my needs. I guess a billion Buddhist’s are trying to do the same thing. Very challenging.
Time to refocus and remember my mind generates my reality. I will be more positive without and therefore, I will be more positive within. Within and without, although polar opposites, are really the sum of a greater oneness. It is this greater unified reality which I need to behold and embrace.
Get my life back on track. Mark my words – big things will start happening for me.